03/18/2022
Doll,
I miss your long, flowing, blonde hair. I do! Am I allowed to garner affection and wish our eyes met, again? Am I encouraged to admit I do miss you? I had a conversation with my therapist yesterday about what I would benefit from coming from them.
It’s our new project. We are going to put together some new training videos for new hires at their company.
I’m still treading lightly there. Looking at these matters metacognitively, I’d simply encourage the company as a whole to embrace and encourage sharing ways, showing clients how to better display appreciation, “appropriately.” That what would have helped me. Their “protocols” instruct them to avoid discussing feelings. I’m not touching that with a 10 foot stick. “People” like to jump to conclusions and overreact there.
I’ve been struggling with this issue for years. I’ve been facing that mountain on my own (against everybody it feels like) even in my sleep. It would have never been an issue at all if I was shown a way to tell certain individuals that I favored and appreciated, that I favored and appreciated them wholeheartedly without being nervous of the wrath of being called out for being inappropriate.
I still face a lot of apprehension showing appreciation.
Hence, citing the first page here, “Mary” and “Niki,”are two great, loving individuals that I’ve worked with in the past. By the time their roles in my life ended, I was intimidated out of expressing how much I valued both of them. Nervous, full of inconsistent guidance I was in self-protection mode pushing them away.
I’m a godly-man, loving individuals is paramount to me. As a Christian, I should not feel bad for stating that I love/ loved, her, her, her, her and her/ or you.
I work on comforting myself these days, upset that I was so rude to them still today. Look up repressed emotions on Google, it’s one of the worst things you can do to yourself.
Learning better ways to show appreciation would have constructively helped me avoid dwelling, nightmares, night sweats, restless nights and years of counseling. Thanks for listening!
Script:
“Hi Mary! Hi Niki! I want the both of you to know how much I appreciate and have appreciated your influences in my life. Excuse my lack of bravery intentionally hiding my face in the past. I hope you are both open to my energy affirming that I care for you individually, more than just a little bit.”