03/11/2022
“Mary,” today I want to illustrate how easy it could be for us. Firstly, I want to acknowledge that
I do remember vividly sharing my heart’s honest emotions with you more than once. I was out of my mind thinking things would align peacefully for us, I thought.
I don’t pick up on much but vibes are all around us. I’ve caught feelings of admiration both ways. I’ve picked up on nervous vibes, vibes that told me I better keep my mouth shut, even vibes that asked “Hmmm, what did I miss?”
I really wish I could have heard directly from YOU that my wildest dreams were not only unique to me. I heard rumors a few times. Us not being “texty” with each other did not add to my comfortability much. Put that on me, I tend to let my shyness close doors. I work on letting that go, still today. It felt really good connecting the other day. I was shocked by the influx of positive reinforcement just sharing my drafted page with you. I learned about positive reinforcement from you!
I regretfully guard myself and my heart, probably a wee bit too much. I tend to think I push people away because I’m scared. Fear is not empowering at all. It sounds like the exact opposite actually. It is difficult for me to wear so many different shoes at once.
I am impressed with my increasing mindfulness of others and my audience these days. I think perhaps some around me are not as in support of me following my plan to eventually display and attract a committed wife the best that I can. I want to meet her where she is. I want to add to her life. I want to be comforted in thinking she wants me there.
Yes, Queen,
My answer to being asked if I loved you should have been yes. It’s always been yes. I wish you would have asked me if I was nervous. That answer would also be yes. Yes, yes, yes yes yes, a thousand times yes! It is soothing to me to express my deep admiration and affection for you to myself at least. Tonight, I will begin putting my heart and soul back into my writing again. Yes, my tactics and methods are anything but conventional. I know that. I also know that I am an individual. It’s time for me to focus on myself and my development again. I want to develop into a man, man enough to love, care for, support and protect. I want to stand guard of the chicken house and scratch and pick at feed like a young spring rooster. You’ll probably be a bit disturbed hearing me howl at the moon. Learn to rejoice in my clucking, sweetie. Think of me as a father-to-be, even if it’s only between us. Mmmk? That’s what I want. That, your hand in marriage, less opposition and for us to live happily ever after. Does that pass the sniff test, my dear? Does it sound appropriate for the worlds next best to follow through with facts stated? Does he get convicted without a trial this time too? #shoulderlean #silence