Ok, cool it!  You Silly Straw, you!  (I STILL <3 You!)

Here, I’m not hiding anything.  This morning I did a bit of free writing (THAT DIDN’T HURT ANYONE) and I am feeling better about feeling good.  It is humbling NOT worrying about irrational consequences, NOT FEARING not communicating with individuals or impending doom.


All that jazz got recategorized as stressors and shoved to the back of my mind.  Me, being mindful keeps those instigators around.  Secrets stress me out.  I’ll tell you hard truths as long as I’m not scared.  Keeping secrets promotes assuming and I stay as far away from assuming as I can.  That’s common sense.  I do shudder anticipating others not being mindful and letting my flaws and transgressions go.

I plan on mulling over my insecurities and fears until they bring a smile to my face, ok?

Lack of open communication, scares me.  (1.)
People constantly reminding me of consequences for doing sh!t I won’t even think of doing nonstop, irks me.  (2.)
People I rely on, flat out intimidating me because they’re scared is a huge depressor.  (3.)

Hahaha, you know what?  It sounds to me like I could use some hands on relationship-sensitivity training to show me not everyone reacts horribly to me mentioning their “trigger words.”  Hi Jack, Eric, D. and whoever else cries hearing me whisper “Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable, kid,” to myself.  God wants us to LOVE on everybody!  I’m really tired of being scared.

I will stop dwelling on this for today and hopefully forever after publishing this.  I love the fact that people ask me endless questions when all they’d need to do is read one, maybe two of my latest entries.

JUST CAUGHT MYSELF DANCING!  DAM, IT FEELS GOOD TO EXPRESS MYSELF LESS AFRAID OF MY WORLD FALLING APART!

Having nightmares of people I need to get by, sucks @ss.  Being afraid to be honest about my wants (LOVE, MARRAIGE, KIDS, A WIFE) hurts.  When the ones who instill those hesitations in me are in my life to add to support and relief, that burns.  FTS.

Mindset clear and choosing to focus on God’s wants, love sounds positive doesn’t it?  Too bad I can’t talk things out better audibly.  I can’t force people to read and absorb/ refer back to stated feelings when they ask questions.