Buy me a G

I’m sorry Ms. Jackson, I am for realll.. I
never meant to make your daughter cry. I apologize a thousand times.
Before you carry on with your weeping, give me a shot. Let me fill you in on my perspective all along.
We met, She wanted chased so I chased her. I got reprimanded, disciplined, threatened while she chose to entertain her desires elsewhere, with other guys. Her whole team tallied boys bodies to compete. I got left out because I was the one with a conscience. Believe me, seeing my disclaimers this week you’ll understand me calling her, her past boss and boss’s bosses all b!tches. (
I still have the utmost respect for all the above but I got the whack end of the deal. The guilt I feel is misplaced at best. I hope I wasn’t wrong thinking she was an angel who blessed me with all the chances in the world. I’m currently in counseling discussing my fear of intimacy weekly. I won’t go into that to save myself from those antagonists flipping sh!t and tearing me down more than their constant looks of disapproval do.
What I don’t get is did she not pick up on my instability? Was asking her to meet me halfway too much? Could she not tell I felt I needed her loving embrace like a fish needs water? I overperformed for her. I professed love in the beginning cause I’m a man.
Those b!tch “fear-inducers” can get TF away from me. I read slow. I’m not perfect. More on that topic would have me throwing all the pro’s at Mainline Restorative under the bus. I will not do that again because I’m still paying the price mentally for them never being on the same page. Dam peons!

I would have SO pulled through and given her everything she wanted if she would have assured me I was safe.  She encouraged me to feel but left out the part that I was allowed to feel.
To this day, I wish I had more confidence in me then and hardly hesitate explaining I’m STILL using that offered energy and Hope to grow.  I’m in even better shape these days.  My forearms looks like a ball of rubber bands with veins popping out everywhere.  My posture standing is second to none.  
I’m constantly walking around my house now in briefs and a tank top.  I look that good!

Her and others’ discomfort talking outside of working hours was another nail in the coffin.  I could not get ahold of her without risking everything then still not hearing a chirp.  I fibbed out of fear once or twice.  I told her to not ask me about texting because that leaves a trail.  Not to mention, the rumor that the whole company got any emails I sent killing my affectionate spirit.

PS – And now those same coworkers are encouraging me to feel even though they warn me if I do I’ll get sent to jail, lose services, lose insurance and get the sh!t beat out of me.

These skelotons deny happiness, progress, satisfaction and feeling good about showing treatment I’d like to see.

I, for one would much rather go through the disciplinary actions to such offenses than deal with these haunting feelings of leaving her abandoned. I have shown my face where she claimed she lived. That family denies their daughter ever working there, so either her life was a lie or there’s much more nonsense to make me look bad going on

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