Hey Angel, (Ha!)

01/27/2021

As I lay here, 4:32AM on the clock, I’m thanking God I found a light.   I’m sorry bro. 

I’ve looked forward to finding an ear open enough to letting me see the fruits of my labor more refreshingly, for so long. 

All it took, was for an Angel to open her ears and hear my reasonings for running scared. We didn’t even tackle that before she gave me a set time span to call and connect via cell. 

Yes, I was nervous thinking and rambling, so much that I deleted said message after I hit send. 

You have no idea how much I’m going to grow just knowing I can call and connect when I feel the need to. 

Let’s see how fast I grow without an enclosure limiting everything. Go!

01/28/2021

Grateful Poem:

Honey, thanks for assuring me, writing you is encouraged. I’m happy you can identify how much being heard and not being afraid to reach out helps me. Things work out for everyone in this scenario when communication is abundant. 

I am feeling rejuvenated looking forward to saying “hi” on the phone. I hope us practicing talking will ease my hesitations and fear a bit. 

Maybe down the road a few weeks “hi friend” will emerge as the next barrier to overcome for me. I’ll hope. 

Angel, reminder of why I aim the way I aim, girl, precious, my motivation,

I am very pleased you insist anything too unorthodox or too out of place that comes up between us will not amount to earthshattering, un-forgivable, acts taken too seriously. I’ve been timid about lack of wiggle room/ having little room for error in my past.

I’ve gotten past that and a lot more than that by the skin on my teeth.  I’ve destroyed handmade masterpieces, hearts much the same…

I’ve wanted to cry when I couldn’t. I’ve wanted to express doubts when I had to be strong for myself.  I’ve wandered. Hoped.

I’ve witnessed crimes I couldn’t stop myself from committing.  I hate nothing except when “I’m scared” and I mumbled that “I cared” to be misunderstood and never given a chance to reorganize my thought train. I’ve stained lives, thrown away the prize before. I look forward to being coached and or encouraged to feel, express the flowery side of me, compose orchestras and give this strained heart to someone caring and strong enough. Please.

01/29/2021

Hey, it’s 5 of 5:00AM Friday morning. I’m staying focused, huh!?

It’s windy out!  Gym/ first day of light leg work in a while at 0830 this morning!

I’m ready for it, babe! I’m ready to Hercules these weights. I’m ready to di-et hard, lift cannonballs, throw more girls over my shoulder… I’m ready to not fret my team not aligning with the coach.

Im rising above the fray. My Lord sees my heart has been mistaken, throwing and placing, fits and unreasonable bets.  Too bad no words can transcribe I’m over it well enough for them to let it go.

I’m glad I can say I’m still at it.  Testing each person until they break is a pastime brah, I’m sorry I had to let you go!  I told ya to hold on tight, b!  I’m back to moving at Mach 5.