Hey Angel, (Ha!)

Possibly, beautiful, we should try TALKING and LISTENING to each other. I want you to know I face insurmountable amounts of fear not having someone in my ear assuring and reassuring me in the world of relations.

Exchanging contact info is a great way to ensure you’re open to talking.

Not leaving me guessing will help me tons.

Not being able to reach people is a huge, huge stressor for me. I’m already scared. Putting walls up like ones where talking is outlawed, leaves me very insecure. (Never having a direct line of communication will fester)

(I get yelled and screamed at for being soft!) (I’m sorry!)

That’s every day for me. I feel by simply hearing I’m not alone, I will blast off out of this atmosphere. I’m afraid to want that, honestly. I hope you see this.

Personally, trying to raise the bar on my intentional vulnerability levels gets me side eyed and blasted so much that it’s not worth it.

Yea, I wish I knew I could fall back without falling apart.

Those around me think I’m trying to incite vulgarities being spewed, her bones getting crushed to dust and… let’s just say I can’t touch pleasant thoughts of certain people with a 10 foot stick. That’s how I feel. That hurts

It scares me to:

Say I miss people.

Say I care.

Ask for things I want.

Speak softly.

What People Say

“You’re doing great!”
Recovery Team (of therapists, trainers, doctors and nurses)

You have issues that you need to deal with. Stop trying to be cute. Stop being affectionate.
Sisters

Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.
Dr. Seuss

Since when has flattery been a sin!?

A great way to help would be to tell me I have a lot to look forward to, I’m on the right track and that you believe in me.

01/17/2021

I am GLAD things worked out for me. Go ahead, cast all the negativities you carry with you wherever you go on my back. I’m used to carrying all the slack.

Im just happy you know I’m here with my hands in a prayer position and my knees almost bent, praying for another chance to let my strengths show!.

Sure, those who won’t talk things out/ensure I feel comfortable contacting them, are ending up out on their asses. I’m staying focused. It certainly is a damn shame most stuck, and stick their heads in the ground when I feel/felt comfy showing my honest self before.

“Hi, I’m Kyle. I enjoy writing. I am single and I’m peering through my eyeglass to ponder more constructively. I reserve my interests and openness for those I can see, reach and touch with my writing. When those around me shut their eyes to all my efforts, hard work and gentle nature, I have little to no problem dropping them as fast as I can.

I’m fragile too, chick.

I’m even more patient when I can anticipate, see the broadening horizon in front on me.

I’ve gone through more than ten men can handle in a lifetime AND IM STILL SMILING.

Rules and laws usually only apply to me.

Hats off to my counseling team for assuring me loving individuals is much more appropriate than despising them.

That’s what I’ve been hoping to hear for the past decade of my life. Those other people are toxic to the nth, making me feel horrible for innocently yearning to flatter.

01/18/2021

01/19/2021

01/20/2021

My Protective Mechanisms

Darla, wherever you are these days, I hope you’re smiling. My body hurting leads to me feeling insecure. I’m too strong for this sh!t to be hampering me that much. That’s how I feel about that.
I have 3+ hours of therapy today. Hopefully, I’ll get to the gym at some point today, too!
I’m really glad those watching see the progress.
Yes, I’m knocked down a bit right now, but I am motivated to come back stronger than ever before!
It’s a good thing I see keeping pace as progress.

I ate eggs this morning and showered 85% independently. Nutritional awareness and independence are two huge bookmarks in anyone else’s stat book, so I’ll smile too.
QUICKLY.. I heard it reiterated today, my team does want me to find someone lucky to love on too. She just needs to be a real person, not a scammer, communicate and help me feel good standing up for love. Meaning of course, if I feel alone in a relationship, I’m out. I have multiple people looking out for my best interest and them not feeling it will not serve us well. I look forward to feeling safe and supported reaching out.

01/21/2021

**This is one strong Looking left leg if you ask me!**

I currently feel locked up by your parents, my sisters, everybody at therapy, the list goes on.

I’d love just one person encouraging me to find you. My counselor is pretty objective and motivating in this area. EVERYONE else throws rocks at me for hoping what we planned out, happens!! ❤️❤️🥰💯🌸❤️✅

We Call This The Loving Embrace!

01/22/2021

I’ll tell you this I would have much rather seen things not work out rather than have my true emotions repressed by individuals who supposedly want me to develop those kind of feelings.