Next Block!

Let’s chat.  Feeling censored and constrained by social norms has been a struggle for me too.  Am I allowed to feel?  Am I allowed to express myself honestly?  That is something I’ve been regurgitating to my counselor for years.  It has been a distraction, but it’s also kept me in the perfect place, the cusp of breakthrough.  For that, I am thankful.
I’ve had, and have special interests in individuals I continue to work with in a professional sense.  That’s not exactly race-based oriented, but it’s similar in my head and the fact that it’s a social norm that I can’t break unnerves me and constrains my positivity for life.

Recentered, my crosshairs are back on my “friend.”  She’s a goddess.  She’s black, too.  I have two direct bi-racial connections that prove true love sees no colors.  My (white) best friend is married to a (black) woman, and my (white) sister is coupled with, and living with a (black) man.
I should not be afraid to show interest in this woman, but I dare not upset the applecart chasing a woman who is out of bounds, right? 

She’s been through thick and thin with me.  I am actually hoping this little dipping of my toes in the water shows her that I meant what I said when I said I am willing and eager to learn to further cement our bond.  Maybe, I’ll get a direct phone number or private email address that I feel more comfortable reaching out on, after she sees me trying.  MY fingers are crossed. 
I’ve shown her my ability to dedicate myself, my ability to stay focused and my desire to be a man worthy of loving, but I’ve also shown my tendency to run away from confrontation, buckle and get ahead of myself, trip myself up.  Gentle reassurance would help both of us.  This is actually one of the first times I’ve felt comfortable talking about us as an “us.”

Past References:
Beautiful Sunsets POETRY

2 comments

  • Jeremi Holley

    Hallelujah. Just what the doctor ordered!

  • I think you’re a genius I think you’ve been born with more than the amount of normal genes I guess I’m stupid so I don’t know where you got that from probably from your father cuz he has an enormous amount of brains I love you Kyle

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