I’m looking forward to being number one on your priority list come Monday!  Sessions and meets have already been coordinated.  That’s not something you need to worry about.
Your responsibilities revolve around building muscle, resting, training, eating consciously, raising the bar on every individual on the team, raising the bar on me, not settling, not griping, letting things go and getting (US) to the next level.  That’s it!
To start, as coach, I, (points at chest,) am not a fan of slacking.  I’ve come too far to let people on MY team come up with excuses for why they are not doing their part.  “Ok, Tido!?”
Sidenote:  Calling team members to the line, holding them accountable WHILE using codenames and petty nicknames is a big part of how I roll.  Don’t like that?  There’s the door.
I am very excited to bring you into the fold.  I’ve heard nothing but good things.  Prior “try-outs” have done “their best,” I’m hoping.  Do better! 
I’ve heard great things about “open communication.”  I look forward to grasping that talent a bit more myself.

I’m a man in the prime of my life and I detest working with ready-to-hop grasshoppers!  I grew up mopping wrestling mats after rubbing them down with opponents’ noses.  Bring moves I’ve never even heard of to the table. 

I’m an aspiring lyricist… Know that, encourage growth.  My sidearm dictionary gets used primarily to find synonyms.  I’m used to children sobbing for me being too tough on myself.  I’d appreciate you sitting on top of the Whirlpool washer while I hold my breath and fight the swirlies.

If you were smart, you’d already have this site bookmarked and on your desktop’s background.  I am an icon.  I know that.  A bit of recognition would be great.  Encourage me to ask for more.  I’m sadly too used to all the proceeds my talent brings in going to the wrong people.

Signing up on the mailing list at KyleKeech.com would show some ambition.  That’s BEEN missing!

I really hope you can bring some of what’s at your fingertips already to the table!  Do not hint to me asking you for stuff that’s over your pay rate, please!  This is a volunteering position.  I’m not getting paid a single dollar for coaching you how to deal.  Do not assimilate with those in the same position as you.  They are not in first place.

Humor the death crosses I draw on your progress chart.  My stats are all I’m supposed to be worrying about.  Focusing, and drowning out that background noise is another full time job I gotta deal with.

Now, before I give you a piece of my lip, forgive.  Allow me some room to breathe without worrying about nonsense.  I could care less about what you can’t do.  I’ve given my heart away for free to only be stomped on, I break faces that look at me wrong, I would like to know I can expect more!

I’ve learned to protect myself by pushing comfy environments and pills away.  I hope to grow everywhere it counts even more!  I have heard enough bull to last me 4 years.  I want to be pushed and supported.  I want to knock all these opponents off their guard.  Join me, add to the havoc, smoke a bowl and get over it.
Do not make me feel horrible for doing what’s best for everyone including myself.
– If my shirt had sleeves, I’d roll them up.  I’m more than done with underachieving “stand-outs”
ya hear me?    – Coach

Firstly…

Let’s eliminate the debilitating fear I face mentioning love! You’re on the job now, right? That means we are working towards the same goals. Therefore.. “I LOVE YOU!” YES, I think it’s a lot like admitting I love my ring-girls, “Sarah,” and “Niki!” Be cool!