09/14/20


Left. Bicep
Nice lg. 1 pack!
Today, I’ll be preparing a salad and macaroni and cheese for lunch!

GYM AT 8a TOMORROW!

Yes, I made lunch before therapy but I did it independently.

Yes, making lunch BY MYSELF, ahead of time was a lot less stressful.

09/15/20

Guide me to an unlocked door!

(My heart aches for you baby, I’m scared. Those around me hate it when I show niceness and affection).

Oh, now you see how nervous I get even hearing you called me That’s cool. I’m right here. Suggest holding hands and making me comfortable getting close, please.

I heard vulnerability was sexy.

Hint: Let me get comfortable expressing “taboo” emotions.

The quicker I find comfort the quicker I can be at ease and not so erratic. Thanks.

Uhm, yes, I will take this opportunity to unload a few fragments of frustration.
WHAT THE HELL!? When you don’t hear from me, that’s a reflection on you. When I don’t hear from you, know that I am tallying those days.
Yes, this week my “in-home” therapist’s feathers were probably ruffled when she read that my task completion went smoother without her whispering in my ear over GoDaddy or whatever video teleconferencing software we use. I’ll tell ya, if I were as inattentive as some of my supports have no problem being I’d feel horrible.
If you’re going to slack in every area I can pick up on, please take a seat. I’m about tired of being promised effort and no one showing their potential. If you have the keys to the door, the door locked and it’s raining, let me TF in please. All these therapists, coordinators and specialists need to wake up and actually earn their keep if they’re rolling with me. Sorry Honey! Listen bro, I kind of think it’s a little pathetic your crew sits on their hands and waits for me to get every ball rolling. If you’re going to say you’re going to do something, do it. Don’t wait to be asked to follow through.
I have insecurity issues and a big chunk of them revolve around lack of follow through on other people’s part.
Another root of insecurity is me feeling I need to cover the cameras in my house before pouring another cup of coffee. Why I need to hide that is beyond me. Yes, peeing often is not fun. Get over it. In my head I’m doing the best I’ve ever done. It’s a bit funny to me being so enthusiastic by nature, I celebrate strengths of others with them. Y’all a bunch of hypocrites. Do not drag me down with your dwelling selves please.
If people got paid for effort, I’d be the richest guy on the block. I don’t appreciate feeling like I’m carrying everybody I work with on my back and only them getting reimbursed. Of course you see results and improvement/ gains, I’m putting the work in. If I waited on y’all, I’d still be in that hospital bed.

09/16/20
Awake by 5:30
Water by 5:45
Two gummy probiotics by 6
Coffee by 6:30

Lately, I’ve concluded that 95% of my headcase issues are a result of me holding things in and not getting the more bullshit-based lies that bother me out of my system.
1. N.Cole – I still freaking like you. Your parents lying straight to my face didn’t help me grow comfy. You lying didn’t help. Changing identities did not sooth my fear. I didn’t even know who tf I was talking to.
2. L., K. and Ty – The company you represent is a scam AGAIN. This is round 2 or 3 dating back 10 years atleast starting w/ Advocare. The products are good no doubt. For all this phenomenal financial incentive, why tf am I still on welfare and food stamps because I can’t get things going even w/ your personal assistance? I looked up pure with my rehab coordinator, you never mentioned such shadiness.

Tori and Kim Keech, if I could fire both of you I so would. You both scare me and things better go your way when you’re at my place or else you yell nonstop.

I’m still working to let all that BULLSHIT go. The mentioned items haunt me every morning. You can’t build a house on a unstable foundation, b!tches. If I were good with being a fake too I’d be on top of the world. I’m not so I’m left here picking up your sorry asses/ making you look good. Thanks for sharpening my spear!

09/17/20

09/20/20

EFFORT COUNTS HERE!

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