Don’t Sweat It…

Chances are you’re already on my list of antagonists. Individuals who discourage or have discouraged me from expressing honest feelings, please take a bow then sit TF down. Thanks!
To all the people I have shown coldness and distrust to, I am soooooo sorry. All along I’ve had these nagging voices in the back of my head reminding me if I don’t step exactly how they want me to, I’ll lose everything.
(Therapy, insurance, support…)

I can’t explain this enough without sobbing on the floor and that kills me. Once and for all, the therapy establishment that I work with can shove it, certain individuals IN MY HOME can shove it and people that cause me to hide my heart can shove it. That’s forreal forreal.
One “cute” fact is after already pretty much demonizing me and making me feel horrible for sh!t I don’t even do, those therapy establishment workers now encourage me to brush up on and study feelings. B!tch, I’m on a HNL! It’s your f#cking fault I look like a deer in headlights now whenever people ask me how I feel about them or others. I am scared to say the wrong things like a gun is being pointed at my head. That’s ruined a lot in my life. Hopes, momentum, my caring persona, my mannerisms, my gentlemanliness. Before you dimwits threatened me, told me not to express myself, I felt like a king of kings, ruling my own life.
I don’t like feeling like I need to purposely throw cannonballs at people who care to make sure I am being responsible and keeping my distance. Please don’t brush this under the rug like you do everything else. I am “not allowed to” and/or feel like I’m not allowed to show pleasantries, kind gestures, mutual affection or anything without ruining a lot in my life.
#thanksforlistening you pc pieces of sh!t. (If that’s not you, let it go)

This is EXACTLY why I use fake, made up names in most of my writing. If I say the wrong words in the wrong order, I get stripped of more than expressing myself honestly is worth.
I’m still looking forward individuals assuring me “Hey, things are different now. You won’t get in trouble for telling me how you really FEEL.”

I can’t even say people are “cute” without undue HEAT is placed on me. Thanks!

I’m sorry Nicole, I’m sorry Sarah, I’m sorry Prince Albert In A Can. Apologies Mr. M., apologies Mrs. M., shall I go on?

(If I’m not comfortable showing affection around you, I’m uncomfortable). REASSURANCE HELPS.

And this is EXACTLY why I am in counseling these days. This is all we talk about, me being afraid to express true feelings hurts and vulnerabilities. Thanks! #feelfreetoeatadick

It’s not so much REPRESSED EMOTIONS it’s REPRESSED EXPRESSING/ me holding true feelings in due to whackass rules! Thanks!

Leave the first comment

Related Posts

Read More