Y’all ain’t ready (do NOT read this!)

EACH TIME you read this, read it to the end please. 

Please, understand, I warned ya. You’re not going to find these facts and understatements kindly.
I get by cause I don’t lie.

I often wonder why I cry over shit that’s not even mine to worry about. But then I keep moving TF on. Dw, everything i mention in my writing is only my best guess. Only take 98% of this shit seriously. Please.

For starters how do you keep that straight face on your face when all I can count are lies.
1. I’m 99% sure SEVERAL of your “great”/ honest/ best employees are there f*cking SEVERAL of your paying clients. That’s only bothering me this morning cause I’m finding myself asking where’s mine.
(Believe me, I’ve been approached. That door closed cause I have morals and instincts)

Also, I’ll keep this light.. do your fn job. If you’re not matching my efforts in life you’re not sticking to your mission statement and putting your clients first. Why should you be getting reimbursed for hours you say count if I’m doing 98% of your job for you?

Check in later for updates. I have therapy to do. Get outta here! Thanks!

(Good thing I don’t need to worry about certain people readingOR responding to  this post).

if they did they would know throwing everybody under the bus is often often my last defense. 

All you had to f*cking do was answer/ reply to one f*cking email. That’s it! Some actual reassurance would have been great too.
I’ve been biting my tongue for years it feels like. I’m on anti-fricking-depressants and I’m the happiest person I know. I’m not pointing fingers at all because I tried being super nice. Remember shitting your pants over the word “affection?” I fn do.

Moving on is what I do. Take notes. Get over yourself. Be accountable. Look in the mirror, cry and point at yourself. You. Messed. This. Up. FOR ME, for you, for her her and her, Dork.

I think I finally am. Thanks. I’m standing up for myself too. Aren’t you proud?
I don’t get away with shit I don’t even do. Yet.. yet I’m made to feel like the worst person in the world. I do better than even you could ask for, and still my emotional well-being and name gets more shit than I ever even dreamed possible. Go dwell on your own time, please.
Before you even ask me about this post or give me those innocent eyes, PLEASE print out the last years worth of posts and underline in RED PEN every lie you read. Thanks!

You can’t even complain about my venue of choice here without saying you must have ignored every single time I reached out and let my heart bleed on the DL. I tried to get all of this “nonsense” out, sent freaking novels to ALL my “supports” to no avail. Are you sensing my distaste and distrust yet? F*ckin A I had to over explain and expose myself to my latest specialist because you birds keep your head below sea level and in the sand unless it fits YOUR PLAN. 😊👋💋❤️


  • Girl, I had to move on. Without you holding on to me, telling me you needed me, only seeing me once a week when you had more than the ability to rev your engine in my drive, I had little hope. I said I didn’t trust you because I was scared. Read the receipt on that email. I woke up sweaty and frantic as all hell. You weren’t there and I cried. I bowed out. I didn’t understand my feelings that night. I hope, wish you the best and send hearts every hour. Thanks for the energy!
    It was us against the world but you let me carry all the weight.

  • While I’m at it… me using words you say are out of line, then using them yourself is f’n bullshit.
    “the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected.”
    A RELATIONSHIP between a therapist and client is professional.
    Stop being a fn snowflake and getting your panties in a bunch when I use words like that.
    I cannot explain how detrimental taking that wind out of my sail has been to my progress. I got over it don’t worry. Thanks for making me feel like a predator.

    Especially when your crew itself is off pleasing gentlemen/ clientele in “relationships” they don’t tell you about. (I did NOT tell you that!)

  • 2 notes:

    1. You’re damn right I don’t email you anymore. Why would I continue doing the same thing (banging my head against the wall) and expect different results. That’s “INSANE.”

    2. Discomfort leads to progress. I’m definitely feeling a boost to my output getting this all out. Thanks!

    Ya see this is all a result of my trust being taken for granted and my hard work and concerns getting no recognition. Thank yourself.

  • And bet, I LOVE EACH of you and each of my exposed vulnerabilities . I’ve said it before I tend to absorb and embody the fears of those around me before I think not to. I am happy to say I can play the victim too.
    If writing this way daily takes the place of me crying every day, I’m fine with that. I’m just flipping every rock I felt pummeled with as quick as I can to wrap my head around it.

  • * I can only piece together MOST of my current insecurities are routed in delayed resolution and felt avoidance.
    The only assurance such exposure gives me is the apparent support of simply lacking accountability being a credible out.

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