10/17/2022

Accountability Check!

I’ve more-than-clearly already demonstrated I will more-than-gladly lead y’all to a basin full of water.  Holding your hand as you dip your toes in that body of water AGAIN is where I draw the line in the sand though.  You got two of them hands too, don’t y’all?  Self-reliance sucks when you’re going through it, don’t it?

Welcome to my life.  If I’m the only one skipping through the woods with a huge smile on my face with one hand in the other, I get that.  Jump on my back, why don’t you?  Everybody else gets carried, why shouldn’t you?

That’s the turmoil I fight nonstop.  Wanting to carry y’all across the finish line while also WANTING to respect your space, drive, initiative, and dedication.  I hope I can read in between the lines, dawg.  Where’s your guardian’s signature?  I will back tf up and leave y’all running on that hamster wheel if I can’t hear y’alls whimpers, see tears rolling down your face or read it taped to your walls how much you want to ball with the upperclassmen, my class and those with the tendency to fall.  Call and leave a sweet message.  Better yet, text me a disclaimer enabling the heat to get you out of your seat.  I’ll treat, as always.  I’ll pay the bill.  I’ll sit still until you give me the nodding head.  I’ll avoid assuming, to the point we both cry, we both lock ourselves in a tower and cut off dreads so no one gets a chance to climb out of the alligator waters.

Ok!  I woke up early, showered after a coffee and hung my stomach getting filled on the checklist for later.  I am currently writing you, my dime piece, my homie, my super set, my hemorrhaging blood vessel freely because I feel decent.  I hope I feel safe hearing you think about me from time to time.  My posture in life with my eyes locked on the incoming horizon is not always spectacular but it’s a quartz diamond mined and chiseled. 
Smiling, I acknowledge resting like a child will suit me in armor nobody should ever mess with.  Test me like the rest or just fall back and attest to being ready to be my backstop.  I need a comfy, non-infiltrated by gossip, lover.  I want to be able to cover her feet after I tuck the babies in.  I’m a truck, stuck in second gear.  I will smear the tears I catch trying to escape my pupils.  Cutting ties sounds bright when all you want to do is run.  Swallow the word love.  Be appropriate.  Fall in line, that’s what they want.  No originality.  No tough luck buddy, no empathy.  No “others” giving a f#ck.  Be granite like you’ve been since day one!  Focus on the ONE.  Hope they understand the man inside is shell-shocked from all the booms and destruction.  Plan on being a light, so fires and dust don’t dissuade their efforts.  Stay crouching and hoping they find you!